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* * * Some day you would go shopping and a store clerk would ask you Gauss-Ostrogradsky formula and you won't be able to answer! Answer: 7, but the reason why will not fit in the margin of this web page. * * * Question: How many Banach-Tarsky's does it take to screw in a light bulb? * * * Any curve going around your boss is shorter than a straight line passing him. * * * A colonel teaches air defence at Moscow State University, Math Department. * * * At the beginning a shell flies by parabola, then by inertia. * * * The population density of USA is 100 square people per mile.* * * This is obvious, but the fact that this is obvious is not obvious. Answer: Just one, but you'll end up with an extra light bulb.* * * Assume, for the sake of clarity, that that yellow cube is a blue sphere. * * * Question: How many Fermats does it take to screw in a light bulb?* * * ( added July 2011) Mary's mom failed arithmetic. * * * Love is a strange kind of mathematics: one moment of carelessness and 1 1 = 3. Both are prominent on college campuses, and are usually practiced indoors. Most people wish they knew more about both subjects. Both involve long and hard problems, and can produce interesting topology and geometry. Both merit undivided attention, but mathematicians are prone to think about one while doing the other. Saint Augustine was hostile to both, and Alan Turing took an unusual approach to both. Both typically begin with a lot of hard work and end with a great but brief reward. Professionals are generally viewed with suspicion, and most do not earn high pay.

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* * * ( added March 2016) Suppose there is no empty set. * * * ( added March 2016) Q: Why is it an insult to call someone "abelian"? * * * ( added December 2015) Arithmetic is the art of counting up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

The door opens and someone asks: —"Are you going up or down? * * * ( added December 2015) —Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar? * * * ( added December 2015) I put my root beer in a square glass. * * * ( added December 2015) —Q: Why shouldn't you argue with a decimal? * * * ( added December 2015) Paradox: Less money, more need to count it.